In just four weeks, our littlest love will join our family earth-side. That is if she plans to arrive on the estimated due date. Gordon often jokes that if she’s anything like her mother, she will almost certainly arrive “accordingly to plan”, and right on time. This very well could be wishful thinking, but nonetheless, we are prepared for her to come anytime and in any way she so wishes.
While I have spent the better part of the last month creating the coziest and most nurturing Montessori nursery for baby and I, Gordon and I have spent some time discussing and modifying our labor and birth preferences.
Birthing is one of the most sacred, intimate, and empowering rituals I will ever take part in, so it is of utmost importance that my daughter and I, first and foremost, are safe —but also that I have this experience in my most unadulterated state and in the presence of those who matter most.
Early on in my pregnancy, my birth plans left no room for alternative outcomes and looked something like, “Under no circumstance am I to be medicated”, “Under no circumstance will I be induced”, “Under no circumstance….”, to which my midwife responded, “But what if your baby wants to have a different experience than you’ve envisioned? Can you see that all the way through? Can you learn to find beauty in those versions of your daughter’s birth?”
Leaving room for the unexpected hasn’t always been an easy ask for me, but allowing my daughter the choice in her experience is. With that notion, I spent several weeks considering all the ways this birth could proceed. Even through my dream states, different versions of her birth played out — from the most beautiful and euphoric to the most painful and traumatic.
With just about every outcome in the forefront of our minds, we’ve found a way to thoughtfully narrow down some preferences that align with our values. We are choosing to first prepare for a home birth with our chosen midwife present, while also working with a team of obstetricians at a local hospital just in case our birth is meant to proceed in that environment.
When we considered our options, the choice to welcome her in the space with so many cherished memories together, was undoubtedly such a gift. Our home has always been an incredibly mindful and meaningful space, with natural treasures and memoirs around every corner. We are grateful for a healthy pregnancy with no complications thus far— this has allowed us less restriction when considering options that felt right. Not to mention, Gordon has been present for many homebirths as he was the eldest of eight brothers and sisters who were delivered at home. And his son Caspian, now three, was his most recent, and unassisted, home birth experience. I am, without a doubt, surrounded by the most amazing people for the welcoming of my daughter.
Let’s not forget that we are in the midst of a pandemic, and given the new protocols at hospitals, this pregnancy has had its fair share of loneliness and disconnection. Gordon was unable to attend my first two ultrasounds and has not been able to attend a single appointment (with the obstetricians) since my anatomy scan at week twenty. Now more than ever, hospitals are concerned— not only about safety, but liability. Because of that, they will often perform more tests and use more interventions than what is necessary. While I understand why that is important, it just doesn’t align with the experience Gordon and I envisioned. We prefer limited intervention, and we fully trust that our midwife will support us in that.
I’d be remiss not to mention the level of preparedness that was required of us in making this decision. We have read, researched, and discussed thoroughly. We will continue to look at the birth protocols, methods, and procedures and move forward with preferences that align with our values and what is most important in each moment.
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Here are some of our preferences during the home birth:
- I will not use medication for pain management or to speed up the birth process. Baby will take as much time as she needs to make her way earth-side.
- I will use alternative relaxation techniques such as hypnobirthing and meditation.
- I will labor and possibly birth in water.
- Cervical examinations and heart monitoring will be limited.
- I want my water to break naturally, and my placenta delivered spontaneously, without assistance.
- Gordon or I will catch our daughter (depending on what position I end up birthing in), and the chord will be cut (by Gordon) either after it stops pulsing or after the placenta is delivered.
- Immediately after birth, our primary focus will be skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, and food for mama.
- She will not be bathed by anyone but us, and not for at least 48 hours after her birth.
I imagine that if we need to go to the hospital, it would be because an emergency arises. With that, the same preferences above still apply but are subject to change depending on the emergency and what is best for the health and safety of me and my daughter. Here are a few additional preferences in a hospital setting:
- A pool will not be available to labor in at the hospital, but I will be free to move and labor as I please, and will not be restricted to lying on my back or connected to machines.
- Internal monitoring and cervical checks are limited to what is necessary.
- I want my water to break naturally, and my placenta delivered spontaneously, without assistance.
- Gordon will catch our daughter, and he will cut the chord either after it stops pulsing or after the placenta is delivered.
- Vacuum extraction or forceps are not to be used.
- Immediately after birth, our primary focus will be skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, food for mama, and then testing.
- She will not be bathed by anyone else other than us, and that will happen after we are settled back into our home.
- The doctors are not to provide a pacifier or bottle to our daughter.
I feel as if I should mention that each of these decisions was made after deeply considering what most aligned with our values and intuitions, as well as risk assessing the nature of my pregnancy. We are very well aware that all of these preferences could go out the window at a moment’s notice. We are leaving space for our daughter to choose exactly how she wants to enter this world — and if she wants to cause a little ruckus on her way in, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit. After all, she is my girl.